Thursday, February 18, 2016

DC Releases Underwhelming Rebirth Line-Up

You can read it in the link here

Very underwhelming. Other than Blue Beetle, almost everything announced is already on the stand, some with tweaked names like Green Lanterns, Hal Jordan & The Green Lantern Corps or Batgirl & The Birds of Prey while other revert to their old names like Nightwing or Red Hood & The Outlaws. Otherwise they removed any C-List title like Starfire for new variants of Batman or Superman concepts like The Super Man, Superwoman, or Super Sons, which I suspect is more fanwankery for a certain character I’d want nothing more than to go away forever.

All in all none of it is exciting. I held my breath for nothing. We're still stuck with the crap that is Earth-2 a garbage concept. No main earth Justice Society as hoped. No more Justice League 3001 or 3002.
The days of having that one ongoing title that isn't a digital compilation of short one shots is getting smaller. I don’t have faith that The New 52 Universe can suddenly flip a switch and exude quality. Especially when we have that Flash, Superman and Wonder Woman around. I've already boycotted Batman because of they won’t get rid of a stupid character. I’ve already boycotted Green Lantern when they wouldn't resolve Carol Ferris's murder of Katma Tui. I'm not saying Pre-Flashpoint has to be canon. I don't care that it is, I ask that they stop forcing terrible ideas previous management knew not to touch or reintroducing and botching what was once good ideas or ignoring problems.

As an exercise, I'm going to list three things from five franchises that I'd like to see, but won't. I'm not going to touch Batman (because I only have one wish), Teen Titans/Titans or Superman who's an untouchable toxic mess.

The Flash:

1. Fix the West family. That's right, racelift Iris already. Stop finding new ways to make sure white men protagonists can't have long committed relationships with non-white women. It's an insulting double standard. It's also an odd message that you can be raised by other races, your future in-law can marry outside their own race, but Oa forbid you Barry (or Reed Richards or Ollie) date long term or marry someone outside of your race. Screw you media. Look at it this way. If Iris is black, she can have an adopted white brother who marries a black woman or she can have bio brother that marries a white woman and has Wally. Everybody wins on all progressive fronts.

Speaking of Wally, he needs to age up a bit, hang out with Dick and Roy and have his old personality back. Yes I mean the former nerdy, young Republican small town kid, who outgrew being selfish and started caring about his community. That's the Wally I miss. He doesn't need to be white to have that background. He doesn't need to be pushing thirty and married with children. He can still have a recognizable personality, recognizable interests and friends.

2. Fix Eobard Thawne or lose him.

3. Bring Barry's mother back and get rid of this nonsense once and for all. Please!!!

Wonder Woman:

I could ask for a lot of things about Wonder Woman. I could ask for her immortality and historical status, JSA membership, Donna Troy as a mentored American teen, Steve Trevor, Etta Candy and The Holliday Girls, the campy villains reinvented. You know cool ideas nobody likes to explore, but I'm breaking it down to the bare-bones of what I require in any WW story. This is my litmus test for readable WW stories.

1. Zeus isn't Diana's father or Cassie's, but definitely not Diana's.

2. Diana doesn't date or sleep with Clark ever. Ewww. Enough with the Kevin Smith fanboy fantasies. They suck and don't make for actual compelling stories unto themselves. If we really cared what stupid crap comes out of the mouth a character played by Jason Lee, Jughead would be another gay character worrying about the dating life instead of one of the few ace icons right now.

3. Diana isn't raised by inhuman barbarians and a deceitful mother with a libido problem.

There. That simple. Of course, fanwanker writer's and their pet fetishes and status symbols will insure I'll never pick up a main universe Wonder Woman DC comic. Good luck Batman being the awkward third wheel in the Trinity book.

Green Lantern

1. Carol is punished for all her crimes, or Katma isn't dead. One or the other. If John has to continue being a grieving widow then let him have his confrontation with Carol. Stop acting like everyone's okay with each other and Carol's more moral and more pure than Hal ever was. I think GL: Rebirth should have been Carol's plot. Hal's fine being morally ambiguous with the ends justifying the means. Carol's just a spiteful, manipulative pawn. She fits the Parallax retcon better than Hal does. All Geoff Johns did was lower him to her level and then pretend she never did anything wrong at all. No wonder I can't stomach modern GL stories.

2. Jessica Cruz is forgotten. Sorry as champion of Earth female Green Lanterns, I'm sick of our only viable options being a spoiled bloodline mutant whose uncreative and uses her green skin sex appeal instead of cool constructs or a random girl with fear problems, whose corrupted by trans-dimensional ring. I suppose there's no such thing as a woman candidate with you know actual bravey, willpower and creativity. Then again of course the Power Ring plot is written by the same guy who decided only predatory stalkers or vindictive, scorned women can feel "love".

3. Dump the Emotional Spectrum. 1. Most the emotions listed aren't emotions, they're virtues and sins. 2. Emotions should not be dictated by base human experiences in a franchise of various sentient species. 3. Colors that the human eye can see should not be the ruling dictate of the inner workings of universe full of sentient lifeforms all guided by this principal. There are colors humans can't perceive just as there are ones other lifeforms can't. A franchise dictated by the emotions of ROYGBIV has no room for a character like Rot Lop Fan (a blind lifeform who relies on sound), nor any possible complex alien that can feel things a human can't.

Justice League

1. Have a bigger rotating line up. Instead of the big seven and some occasional pet plot character, use characters that we want to see adventures for, but can't keep a monthly tile, like Martian Manhunter, Starfire, Black Canary, etc.

2. Put Superman and Batman on honorary status so the other four can shine with other fan favorites without a book.

3. Don't go back to the era of strict continuity and embargo restrictions.

Justice Society

1. Don't ghetto them to another Earth on another Universe.

2. Have the original members be contemporary to Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Green Arrow, which means those characters should be slightly older (5 years) than the Silver Age generation and 10 years older than the first Teen Titans and 15 years older than Young Justice. Ideally with that in mind, I want Wonder Woman to be a seminal member, but she's too tied up as the token female on the League (or wasted dead on a parallel Earth) for that to happen.

3. No children legacies. You can reinvent both Hourman's as brothers, Rex being older, Rick being younger. Silver Scarab as Hawkman's jealous cousin, Fury as another Amazon, Jade and Obsidian aren't adopted, but separated by divorce and their powers come from exposure to The Green (or starheart or whatever they want to tie Alan's powers in with) and Ian Karkull's shadow radiation.

I think only one thing on the Justice League list will become reality. Either the edict will be Big Seven all the time or all the characters will be divvied up by editorial. So if we lose Batman we're not guaranteed The Flash and c-listers. As for the rest on my list, none will ultimately happen and I'll continue to boycott those titles and they'll continue to service the few who clamor for that crap.

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